Wrestling with pride

[Baruch]

I like to use the list of three to help me make combat against the things binding me: lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, pride of life. It is a short list. It's all encompassing. And it is very easy to understand in a practical sense.

Recognition is another thing. The first two I can recognize readily. This does not make them easy to battle, but I think it is an important first step to know what I'm battling against.

Pride. Ah, what a spoiler. He has his way with me often, and I have a hard time with this one. In general, pride has such a range of action, from warming nudges to hot and cold rages. And his fingerprints are on everything. Mine seem to frequent in the range of irritation, aggravation, indignation.

Work has been getting to me for a long time. The constant struggle with an expectation to perform efficiently under increasingly rigid constraints, while there is little to no investment in improving maturity and tools to achieve the goals. This is one area where it's easy to see this spoiler come out. It lands me in heated debates, acting out on anger, and more than a few arguments that end in frustration because I know what's best but people just have to learn the hard way and drag my scarred frame another time through their painful learning process.

But I am so immersed in my thoughts and emotions and so invested in gaining ground on "important" issues it is hard to know when to throw the flag on myself: foul, you've gone too far today, cool off on the sidelines. I have long understood that I am not my thoughts and emotions, rather they are a part of me. But we are steeped in them, and maintaining this perspective is not as clear and easy as intellectually understanding it.

I was going through my email inbox at work today, stowing older closed/dying/dead items into folders. It is something I do daily but some stuff can't be filed for a longer time; my inbox is like the cliche messy desk which is a filing system that only the proprietor can understand. It piles up and this is a task I have to do every couple months or so, and it's a time when I am reminded, like a poignant slideshow, just how work gets to me. I find that it is a time to reflect on past discussions, their outcomes, my role in them, and evaluate whether to revisit them or put them in the junkyard.

It is telling that most of my reflections are indifferent, and many are negative. Only a few gave me a positive sense of accomplishment, and feeling that I accomplished and handled it well. "Well", as in efficiently, courteously, respectfully, and with a productive and lasting outcome. I know that our highly sought fruits of the Spirit can help me with this.

I just wanted to reflect on my budding battle with pride and invite comment.

Blessings

[Lou Newton]

I like to use the list of three to help me make combat against the things binding me: lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, pride of life. It is a short list. It's all encompassing. And it is very easy to understand in a practical sense.

Recognition is another thing. The first two I can recognize readily. This does not make them easy to battle, but I think it is an important first step to know what I'm battling against.

Pride. Ah, what a spoiler. He has his way with me often, and I have a hard time with this one. In general, pride has such a range of action, from warming nudges to hot and cold rages. And his fingerprints are on everything. Mine seem to frequent in the range of irritation, aggravation, indignation.

Work has been getting to me for a long time. The constant struggle with an expectation to perform efficiently under increasingly rigid constraints, while there is little to no investment in improving maturity and tools to achieve the goals. This is one area where it's easy to see this spoiler come out. It lands me in heated debates, acting out on anger, and more than a few arguments that end in frustration because I know what's best but people just have to learn the hard way and drag my scarred frame another time through their painful learning process.

But I am so immersed in my thoughts and emotions and so invested in gaining ground on "important" issues it is hard to know when to throw the flag on myself: foul, you've gone too far today, cool off on the sidelines. I have long understood that I am not my thoughts and emotions, rather they are a part of me. But we are steeped in them, and maintaining this perspective is not as clear and easy as intellectually understanding it.

I was going through my email inbox at work today, stowing older closed/dying/dead items into folders. It is something I do daily but some stuff can't be filed for a longer time; my inbox is like the cliche messy desk which is a filing system that only the proprietor can understand. It piles up and this is a task I have to do every couple months or so, and it's a time when I am reminded, like a poignant slideshow, just how work gets to me. I find that it is a time to reflect on past discussions, their outcomes, my role in them, and evaluate whether to revisit them or put them in the junkyard.

It is telling that most of my reflections are indifferent, and many are negative. Only a few gave me a positive sense of accomplishment, and feeling that I accomplished and handled it well. "Well", as in efficiently, courteously, respectfully, and with a productive and lasting outcome. I know that our highly sought fruits of the Spirit can help me with this.

I just wanted to reflect on my budding battle with pride and invite comment.

Blessings

I fought this same battle. The hardest part was the one with my temper. I would get very angry at any injustice and lose my temper. Sometimes it was very unbecoming to a Christian, or even a non Christian.

It was only when I gave up all hope of victory and thought myself lost and not even a Christian, that the battle was won. It was when I gave up all hope that I stopped losing my temper.

I have not lost my temper now for many years. I do not even get angry very often. I do not have to try to control my temper, for I do not get angry at things I used to get angry about.

I have become aware that the battle in not mine, but the battle is The Lord's. So I have no need to get frustrated or angry. For I can rest in the fact that their will be justice in the end for everyone and everything.

Jonah 2
7 “When I had lost all hope, I turned my thoughts once more to the Lord. And my earnest prayer went to you in your holy Temple.

2 Cor 1
8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9 Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

When we give up all hope of being able to conquer sin, we then rely on God who can raise the dead to save us.

Lou

[Steve Hollander]

Thank you Barry for sharing your thoughts and your heart with us. I am so far behind I can't ever imagine being on top of things and in control.
I just have to practice relying on the LORD and remember that I'm valuable to Him. He calls us His treasure.
Yes the 3 get me and all of us at one time or another. But imagine that we are actually considered a treasure by someone who can have anything. And yet He chose us over everything else despite how wretched we ALL are.
Words are inadequate to give the thanks and praise that we owe Him.
Blessings. ..... Steve

[Baruch]

Gentlemen,

I was not expecting this kind of feedback. This is revolutionary. I must take it to prayer and meditation. Thank you so much.